Here’s your chance to sing along now Share these lyrics with a chum or two Raise your voice in Yuletide song now All the tunes are old, the words are new
Someone please explain caroling to me Is the purpose not to make someone’s ears bleed? What is the appeal, in such cheery songs? Why don’t we just toss the score and sing the lyrics wrong?
Gristmas Songs, Gristmas Songs Fuck ‘em up real good Maybe if we’re lucky we’ll disturb the neighborhood Gristmas Songs, Gristmas Songs Screech ‘em til you’re hoarse (It might not be wise to do this publicly, of course)
Ugly sweater shopping time Just don’t tell Kanaya If she catches me in these threads She might set me on fire Dave rigged his with LEDs So it lights up brightly Blinking words on scratchy wool Must endure this shit nightly
Joy to the world Except for John I hope that fuckass dies!
There goes Terezi with Wayward Vagabond again Scribbling on the walls since I can’t remember when But whatever they wreck, or if there’s no blank meteor left I’ll protect my precious DVDs with everything I’ve have Lest ‘The Santa Clause’ fall into the wrong hands
(This one’s gonna be my Magnum Opus!)
O Ancestors, O Ancestors Why are you all dysfunctional? O Ancestors, why can’t you see The rightful leader of the team? O Ancestor, O Ancestors It’s either this or Kankri!
(The grand finale was written by SonicRocksMySocks and used with her permission.) On the twelfth day of twelfth perigee my matesprit gave to me Twelve rippling hoofbeasts Eleven frogs a-leaping Ten empty buckets Nine cans of Faygo Eight spiders spinning Seven paraplegics-! Six revving chainsaws FIVE *pant pant* FUCKASSES *huff* Four cuttlefish Three sharp claws Two sets of stairs And a Scalebeast hanging from the tree
(And last but not least, in the true spirit of Gristmas, I shall now complain!)