posted 1 year agoNov 24, 2012, 12:45 pm with 271 notes
Track: A Gristmas Carol (Tophat 2K12)
Artist: cantabileGato
Album: Almost Canon
played 1363 times

cantabileGato - A Gristmas Carol

Here’s your chance to sing along now 
Share these lyrics with a chum or two 
Raise your voice in Yuletide song now 
All the tunes are old, the words are new 

Someone please explain caroling to me 
Is the purpose not to make someone’s ears bleed? 
What is the appeal, in such cheery songs? 
Why don’t we just toss the score and sing the lyrics wrong? 

Gristmas Songs, Gristmas Songs 
Fuck ‘em up real good 
Maybe if we’re lucky we’ll disturb the neighborhood 
Gristmas Songs, Gristmas Songs 
Screech ‘em til you’re hoarse 
(It might not be wise to do this publicly, of course) 

Ugly sweater shopping time 
Just don’t tell Kanaya 
If she catches me in these threads 
She might set me on fire 
Dave rigged his with LEDs 
So it lights up brightly 
Blinking words on scratchy wool 
Must endure this shit nightly 

Joy to the world 
Except for John 
I hope that fuckass dies! 

There goes Terezi with Wayward Vagabond again 
Scribbling on the walls since I can’t remember when 
But whatever they wreck, or if there’s no blank meteor left 
I’ll protect my precious DVDs with everything I’ve have 
Lest ‘The Santa Clause’ fall into the wrong hands 

(This one’s gonna be my Magnum Opus!) 

O Ancestors, O Ancestors 
Why are you all dysfunctional? 
O Ancestors, why can’t you see 
The rightful leader of the team? 
O Ancestor, O Ancestors 
It’s either this or Kankri! 

(The grand finale was written by SonicRocksMySocks and used with her permission.) 
On the twelfth day of twelfth perigee my matesprit gave to me 
Twelve rippling hoofbeasts 
Eleven frogs a-leaping 
Ten empty buckets 
Nine cans of Faygo 
Eight spiders spinning 
Seven paraplegics-! 
Six revving chainsaws
FIVE *pant pant* FUCKASSES *huff* 
Four cuttlefish 
Three sharp claws 
Two sets of stairs 
And a Scalebeast hanging from the tree 

(And last but not least, in the true spirit of Gristmas, I shall now complain!) 

I can’t believe I wasted four whole 
Minutes of my precious lifetime 
On singing stupid Gristmas Carols
AGAIN!! Seriously, what is WRONG with me!?
Now please leave me alone!

To download 

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